Longer than I meant

Ooops. When I paused for Christmas, I got on a roll. A roll of pauses, one seamlessly linked to the next, in what ultimately proved to be nearly three weeks of pauses. In general, as anyone who's known me for more than a week can attest, I'm better at pausing than moving. (I like to believe I can fake it for a week. If you want to get together for a week, I will be a veritable blur of activity and efficiency. I will be witty. I will bake things. I will loan you interesting books to read while I--please excuse me for just a few minutes--update my blog. I will take you to shows. Then I'm going to need you to go away so that I can watch television as God intended. On second thought, let's call it four days.  I can fake it for four days.)

If you had had the nearly two weeks off that I had, you probably would have accomplished amazing things. You'd have climbed a precipitous slope, or fashioned a quilt from your vintage apron collection, or adopted an orphan, or made a documentary film or something. I recognize this and applaud you. But in the spirit of friendship and goodwill that lately infused the holiday season, let us agree that it takes all kinds. Some of those kinds are like you, while others are like me: pausers. 

What I Did Over my Winter Vacation

  1. Spent many days loafing about in my parents' home.
  2. Baked not one, but two chocolate cakes.
    One for Christmas and one for New Year's Eve. The first I served to my family, as is traditional, but the second I took to a bar and served at midnight, mostly to strangers, which proved to be a very festive and cheerful thing to do. I recommend it.  Hot tip: It helps to know a few people at the bar who can vouch for you to their friends; otherwise, you're just a stranger passing out free cake in a bar, about which people may be justifiably wary. Also, obviously, dress up. I think the dress helped boost my credibility. Or maybe it didn't, but I enjoyed wearing it.
  3. Ate more than my fair share of leftover chocolate cake.
  4. Saw the Hockney exhibit at the De Young, which is lovely and worth seeing.
  5. Watched many, many hours of a terribly quaint British period series, the name of which I will not even tell you because you will laugh at me. There is a postmistress involved.  I know.
  6. Saw American Hustle and The Wolf of Wall Street on the big screen (not simultaneously, nor, indeed, on the same big screen). The former I cannot recommend enough and the latter you can skip if you want to. Or, alternately, if you're curious about what it might be like to work in an office where you were routinely provided with prostitutes, then go see it.
  7. Read The Luminaries, which I liked very much. Additionally, I'd like the record to show, that it won the Man Booker Prize and is very, very long. Ha. And you thought I'd not accomplished anything.
  8. Wrote an copious number of emails to my laughably distant boyfriend (I mean in terms of miles, which, now that I think about it,, makes for a nice change. In the past, I have written copious emails to laughably distant boyfriends who lived ten minutes away.)  Emotionally present boyfriends are the must-have accessory for 2014.  If you can get them to live in the same city, or, hell, the same time zone, so much the better.

And that, my friends, was that.
Happy 2014 to you. I feel good about it.

A pause for Christmas

Christmas is coming right up, but I, for one, have yet to wrap a single gift. (I have them all. I don't want you to worry unduly.) I just need a bit of inspiration.

Luckily, I found it.

The Muppet Christmas Carol 20th Anniversary Collectors Edition is now available to own! Order now online: http://di.sn/a5A

The lovely lexicon

This morning I was so charmed by the use of "metallurgical," and so delighted to learn that "embrittlement" is a word, and so certain that the term "cold rolling" is soon going to appear in a hip-hop song that has nothing whatever to do with structural engineering, that I might have neglected to heed the actual point of the discussion.

To wit: the bolts on the Bay Bridge may all break some day and send us hurtling to our doom.

Oh.

Non-stop learning

Last week I had occasion to be on hold with the Exploratorium for a long time. I didn't mind, though, because in lieu of hold music, what you get at the Exploratorium is a cavalcade of interesting facts. I don't want to horde the interesting facts all for myself because it's Christmastime and that would be selfish, so here are a couple for you:

  1. The first passengers ever to travel in a hot air balloon were a sheep, a duck, and a rooster. When the balloon landed, the animals seemed to be unharmed, reassuring the people that it would be safe to travel by balloon, but then it was discovered that the rooster had a broken wing.  "Egads!" said the people, "Hot air balloon travel breaks wings!  This is no good at all!"  Then a woman stepped forward and said that, in fact, she had seen the sheep kick the rooster before they even left the ground.

    Moral: It's safe to go up in a hot air balloon, but not with a sheep.
     
  2. Face powder in Elizabethan times contained lead, which, as lead is wont to do when you smear it on your face, killed a lot of people.
    Fortunately, an alternative came along: Arsenic Complexion Wafers!

    Really, is there any more fashionable pallor than the one supplied by death?

1995

During lunch, a little girl asks her mothers if they had been alive in 1995.  They had. One of them informs her daughter that, in fact, she was born in 1974. The girl receives this information with speechless, open-mouthed astonishment.

There is some subsequent discussion of people they know who had been born in the '90s, followed by a longish math interlude where the girl tries to determine how old she would be now if she were born in 1995. (In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I was not much swifter reaching the answer than she was. I have not been able to do any moderately speedy subtraction of this type since 1999.  Now we have to do all that borrowing from the 2 to make 10, and then borrowing from the 10, etc., etc. It's a nightmare.)

The girl's younger sister, who looks to be about four, has not had much to say during all this. Her mother turns to her and asks, "And what year were you born?"

Very matter-of-factly and without hesitation, she replies, "1952."