Lest I forget how to write

April sort of passed me by. I spent, what? four days in NY? and then spent the rest of the month recovering from it one way or another. But now it's May and I will try, try again. A week ago I did a rather shabby job of telling a story at a show put together by my delightful friend Katy. To be fair, I was running a low fever at the time. I did wear a new dress and difficult shoes; under the circumstances, that was about as much elan as I could bring to bear. Now, solidly seven days later, I am suffering from a particular malaise entitled "Will I EVER Stop Blowing My Nose?" I walk around feeling such an enormous amount better, but not actually well. I think you aren't really well until you stop noticing your incremental improvements. I go about my tasks slightly dizzy and with a perpetual congestion headache, but encouraged that I am able to get off the sofa for long stretches of time.

Today, for instance, I managed to do the laundry which has been sitting in a heap on my bedroom floor for a week. It was (and is) an extravagantly beautiful day, so it felt quite Cinderella-esque to be at the laundromat while the rest of the populous wandered up and down the street--closed to traffic--enjoying some kind of Cinco de Mayo festival (though why they would have it on the 6th, I couldn't tell you) and, one imagines, eating organic ice cream. Still, it is a great relief to have it done at last and to boldly face a new tomorrow with a dizzying selection of clean underwear. Though I haven't the slightest doubt that I will face tomorrow morning with the traditional dread, please rest assured that my loins shall be most hygienically girded for the work week to come.

Meanwhile, as I lay feverish and depressed (sternly forbidding myself to cry for fear that the resulting supplementary congestion might actually cause my head to explode), my upstairs neighbors had a baby. The simultaneity of these events strikes me as Philosophically Meaningful in some sort of way, but perhaps I delude myself. Maybe it would have only been Meaningful if I had actually been dying, rather than merely very sad with a bad cold. I leave it for you to ponder. Currently, while he is extremely small, I feel quite big-hearted toward him. Obviously, history has already shown us what it will be like when he gets big enough to be audible. I am hopeful that I will be madly in love and Elsewhere by then. It is always possible. Weirdly, last night at a restaurant I used to frequent, I encountered the manager as I was leaving. "Ah!" he said, "You look gorgeous! I didn't recognize you!" [I have been puzzling over whether to be flattered or insulted by this.] "Are you married?" Generally, in this sort of exchange, the next question is, "How are you?" not "Are you married?" but perhaps it's different in France. I said,"No. But someday. Someday." and he said, "I am sure." And, really, he looked sure. So that makes one of us.

Just now, as I gazed out the window full of poetic resolve to enjoy my lovely apartment as long and as fully as I can [read: before the tyranny of the infant upstairs takes hold], a veritable flock of skinny jeans weekended their way down the sidewalk opposite. Ah, boys. However do you get your big feet through the ankle holes?

So many philosophical questions for one day.

Live and in person

Dear blog,
It's not you. It's me.
Love, Kari

If you live here and would like to see me wearing a dress and pretending to be a functioning member of society, please come to the Red Poppy on Sunday night for a 7pm show. The delightful and very talented Katy Stephan, has asked me to tell a story as part of her show. By Sunday, I should even know what that story is.

Spring break

I was just sitting here, compulsively checking my email in case my future spouse has just selected me among thousands of internet strangers (have you tried internet dating? It promotes all kinds of super healthy habits), when I suddenly remembered--hey! didn't I claim to be a writer somewhere along the way? Maybe I should give that a whirl. Now, before you get all excited about my new leaf, let me state for the record that I still haven't A) reviewed my Italian, B) set foot in the gym , or C)gone to the grocery store. But at this point, I'm celebrating all small accomplishments. To wit: I folded several sweaters that were strewn about and I put them...in the closet! Hooray for me!

New York!

The Algonquin was closed for renovations, which thwarted me from crossing a Dorothy Parker salute cocktail off my Life List, but I did get to meet Winnie the Pooh, so I think it all evens out. (It's true. The real Winnie was at the NY Public Library along with Tigger, Kanga, Eeyore, someone I didn't recognize who was wearing a string of pearls (who is not in the pictures, I note. Perhaps she was their chaperone), and Piglet, who is a good deal smaller than I imagined. No wonder he was afraid of Heffalumps. I got all teary-eyed immediately upon seeing them, but that is hardly surprising. I love those guys.)

If you go to New York, I would highly recommend that you do so in April during a week when the weather is perfect and everything is in bloom. When you stand waiting to cross the street, a flurry of petals from nearby trees will swirl around you in the manner of confetti and you will be the star of your own constant Easter parade. I further suggest that you stay with a terribly beautiful, funny, generous hostess who lives on Central Park West. I was fortunate in that I already had one of these, but you should take the necessary time to find one of your own. Truly, it makes all the difference: high ceilings, deco details, an expansive view over the treetops of Central Park to the East Side skyline beyond. It was like being on Fantasy Island. I had a delightful time.

Things I Meant to Do, but Didn't
1. See the Noel Coward exhibit at the Performing Arts Library.
2. Go to a museum of any kind, but notably the Tenement Museum (and apologies to the Blog Bully who wanted me to go to the Whitney)
3. Go out to tea
4. See 4,000 Miles at Lincoln Center (which was only about four blocks from the apartment). It was sold out.

Things I Meant to Do, and Did
1. See several friends, including Talya who came all the way down from Amherst, and two former students I hadn't seen in years. (Everyone's doing well; thanks for asking.)
2. Have dinner at Cafe Habana, as recommended by my friend Bill. Cheap! And delicious.
3. See a play. I knew I'd be sad if I didn't go to the theatre, but I kind of blew it on the half-price ticket booth, so I bought a last-minute mezzanine seat for David Ives' Venus in Fur. I liked about half of it very much.
4. Walk along the High Line. I am a very vocal fan of the High Line. Particularly in springtime. I can't overemphasize this enough: springtime.
5. Go to Smalls jazz club in the Village. Marvel that you can arrive somewhere at 1am on a Thursday night (Friday morning for all you sticklers) and have it be packed. Damn, New York. You're not messing around.

Things I Hadn't Particularly Meant to Do, but Did Anyway
1. Injure my foot with all the walk, walk, walking such that I was limping pretty significantly on the last day (and indeed well into last week).
2. Get completely lost in the Village. Again. Argh. Why is West 4th next to West 10th? Why is the Hudson River where I was pretty sure I'd find Washington Square? Damn you, Village. Damn you.
3. Have Pimm's cups in a sunny restaurant with Talya.
4. Eat an entire sea bass at a fancy restaurant with flocks of waiters.
5. Get in a taxi driven by a man who could not get me from 63rd Street to 53rd Street. (Before all you fitness champions get all "serves you right" about my taking a taxi a mere 10 blocks, I'll remind you that my foot was basically broken at that point.)

Things Many People Told me I MUST Do, that I Narrowly Avoided
1. See the Cindy Sherman show at MoMa. It's not that I didn't go to the show; I did. So did hundreds of other people. My feet hurt so much by the time I arrived that I couldn't imagine standing in line. I went into the lobby, mostly to sit down, but also to take a look at the gift shop. I perused a book in there that allows me to tell you this: as it turns out, I absolutely hate the work of Cindy Sherman. Hate. I couldn't be more thrilled that I discovered this before buying a ticket. Would that I had known before I limped my way to the museum. Should have gone to the Frick. Ah well.

I loved it. I'm wondering if maybe I should move there, even though springtime is not its natural state. I'll let you know what I decide. My upstairs neighbors are going to have a baby sometime this week, which may impact my thinking on this front. Meanwhile, in case you wondered, I have continued to check my email compulsively during the past many, many minutes it's taken me to write this, and my future spouse has not written. This may also impact my thinking on whether or not to move. Possibly my future spouse does not live in San Francisco. This would be inconvenient, but explain a lot.

To answer your question...

No. I did not die in New York.

I've been home for a whole week and yet I have said nothing to you, my faithful reader. Do I feel bad about this? Naturally, reader. Of course, I am assailed by guilt. Pretty much every lazy, inertia-based thing I [don't] do assails me with guilt. There is, therefore, a lot of guilt hovering around me, Pigpen-style. My aura is guilt-colored, which might make amends to some degree, but is hardly the same as actually going to the grocery store, now is it? Or the gym. Or reviewing my Italian. Or reading a book instead of watching television. On and on it goes.

I had a really delightful time in New York and I'll tell you all about it. However, I seem to be having a rough re-entry. Mi dispiache. (Ha! Look! Italian review! Things are already improving. I'll be back here soon.)

Chop chop

I got an email this morning from the blog bully with the subject heading "chop chop" and I steeled myself for some stern words about blog slacking, but that's not what he meant. Yay! It was a joke about the speediness/busy-ness of New Yorkers and how I'd better step up my game because I'm headed to NY in the morning. Don't worry, I had been planning to tell you: Hi. I'm going to NY tomorrow. I have to be on my way to the airport at 5:45AM, which is a time of day I generally opt out of, so please wish me luck. I hope to have stories to tell you when I get back.

Meanwhile, I'm in a dither about packing. April is a tricky time weather-wise. Will I be too hot? Will I be too cold? Will I look like a country bumpkin? (That has nothing to do with April. That has to do with New York.) What to do? This is also the inaugural journey of the very light suitcase I got for Christmas (thanks, Mom!) and I have discovered that its lightness may very well be related to its smallness. It is worryingly small. This doesn't concern me so very much for a four-day trip, but I am less confident about this summer's three weeks. Tell me, little suitcase, do you have the capacity for me to be consistently lovely for three weeks? On second thought, perhaps that is too much to ask of a suitcase. Have I mentioned the acne? It's true. My skin has been worse over the last month than it has at any point in my life. Why? Why, O ye gods? Whatever the reason, there is nothing the suitcase can do about it.

Something for you to ponder in my absence: why do pears rot from the inside out, so that you bite into their firm outer flesh without the slightest sense of trepidation, only to spit out a mouthful of mush? It seems odd for fruit to enjoy practical jokes. I win in the end though, because it's Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry's (a mere block away). Ice cream! Take that, fruit.

(And don't go ahem-ing and raising your eyebrows toward the acne paragraph. I'm sure ice cream has nothing to do with it. In fact, I may apply an ice cream compress directly to my chin. Perhaps that will clear things up.)