Just in case

Every so often someone asks "If they were making a movie of your life, who would you want to play you?" This is usually a question asked at a party or something, not a production meeting, so presumably no one is really working on the screenplay. Oh. The parties aren't in L.A. I forgot to mention that.

Anyway, I always draw a total blank and can think of no actresses whatsoever except maybe Katharine Hepburn who, aside from being dead, wouldn't really be right. It came to me tonight though, and I just wanted to state for the record that I'd like it to be Catherine Keener.

So maybe your people could talk to her people. You know, when you're ready to give it the green light.

Literally?

I saw The Interpreter last night and I enjoyed it, but here's the thing. I know that Nicole Kidman's character is somewhat mysterious and that she's hiding parts of her past and all, but is she meant to be literally hiding them behind her hair? If not, perhaps a barrette would help. Or maybe one of her multi-lingual colleagues could catch her in the U.N. ladies' lounge and show her how to use those pony-tail elastics to greater effect.

Consequences

A friend recounts a tale of a late night drunken exploit from his college days in which he and his friends dragged a bunch of picnic tables from their usual place on campus and used them to block access to the health center.

Me: And then people died, didn't they? Because they couldn't get into the health center for the help they needed.

Him: Yes. Tragically there was an outbreak of meningitis on campus the next day.
[Pause]
People also starved to death because they were unable to picnic.

Winging it

I do not have a cell phone, a digital camera, a microwave, or a television, but now it seems I have a blog. How can this possibly be true? Perhaps I ought to have read more books on the subject before undertaking the responsibility. I know nothing about its care and feeding. I don't even know if this font is within my control. I don't know whether I will be this stutifying forever, or just today. I do know that and I ended up with a silly address. Here I am boldly sallying forth into the unknown world of technology only to be immediately thwarted. No justice. Who knew that all things cereal-related were so outrageously popular? Except raisins, apparently. Raisins I can have.


The entries below are (appropriately) back dated because before today I had what you might call an "imaginary blog." Me? Well, I called it a "piece of paper."

Deepest Fears

In the mail there is a window envelope imprinted with the words “Imagine being old and alone with nothing but your memories to keep you company.”

I panic thinking it is from a dating service.

Upon realizing that it is a donation appeal from Meals on Wheels, I am overcome with relief and promptly recycle it. I think I now officially qualify as a terrible person.